Monday, February 25, 2008

Jimmy Gets His Evens.

First, remember this post?

Then you know why this one seems familiar.

The Scientific American Tells Us Why We Kiss, Youtube Shows Us How We Kiss.

The Scientific American tells us why we kiss, Youtube shows us how we kiss:

Make-A-Wish Bankrupted By Sick Child

Thursday, February 21, 2008

What The Hell? Ben Cartwright?

1972 Porsche 911

Tyler Bend, Buffalo River Highway 65, Arkansas
Eureka Springs, Arkansas
From Car and Driver Magazine:
Arkansas 7
Highway 7 is one of the best-kept secrets in the country. Once anointed one of America's ten most beautiful roads by National Geographic, it is tucked into the folds of the Ozark National Forest and the Ouachita Mountains. Its best stretches link Harrison up north, which calls itself the "Crossroads of the Ozarks," and Arkadelphia, south of the newlywed and spa haven of Hot Springs. Along the way the road twists through miles of hardwood forests, across pristine streams such as the Buffalo National River, near state parks and wildflower meadows, by dramatic rock formations and high bluffs, over mountain tops and down into valleys still unspoiled. An especially splendid tract is the Ozark Highlands to Rotary Ann Overlook, with an awesome view of forests and mountains. Around every bend lies adventure-everything from hiking, camping, trout fishing, canoeing and caving to simply dawdling over fresh-baked pie and hot coffee at the Booger Hollow (population 7, counting the coon dog) Trading Post & Chuck Wagon Cafe. You might even get to observe a cutthroat game of checkers. The bonus beauties of 7 are its shortages of both traffic (particularly in spring and fall) and interruption (30-mile legs without settlements) and a length of 200 miles. This is a road mixing elemental and advanced challenges in well-balanced proportions. Avoid it like the plague in icy weather, but make a beeline for it any other time. Guaranteed to knock your socks off and turn you into a seriously addicted repeat offender.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Major Difference Between Life Of Jason And The Bus Plunge

Constant Bus riders are aware that there is a local blog that chronicles the life of a guy named Jason (that's a picture of Jason before he learned the correct way to ask a girl for a date to the blogaronis.) Bus riders also know that Life Of Jason and the Bus Plunge often blog on different topics. In fact, there are many differences between the LOJ and the Bus. For instance, the Bus has a bus, LOJ doesn't have a bus. LOJ lives in a 2-story house, the Bus lives in a brick house. LOJ drinks hot chocolate, the Bus drinks coffee.

Another example of the differences between the Bus and LOJ: Last week during the running of the Daytona 500, NASCAR's premier stockcar race, the Bus was able to watch the race free of unwanted interruptions and cheer on Ryan Newman and Kurt Busch, the Penske drivers who finished first and second. LOJ's distress at watching his favorite drivers Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson have a bad day at the race was compounded by telephone calls from the Missouri Deputy Sheriff's Association. LOJ blogged about the interuptions: you can read the post and all the comments here.

Money quote from LOJ: "And what in the world is the Missouri Deputy Sheriff’s Association doing calling me anyway?" Notice who called LOJ, the Missouri DEPUTY Sheriff's Association, the DEPUTIES called LOJ.

And that brings us to the major difference between the Busplunge and the LOJ. The Bus doesn't get his Daytona 500 interrupted by a phone call from a deputy. No siree bob, the Sheriff himself took the time to write the Bus a personal letter, personally hand delivered to the Bus's front door by a uniformed representative of the United States Government. Yes Sir, LOJ, the Sheriff knows how important the Bus is. The Sheriff knows the Bus is #7 this week.

LOJ gets a phone call from a deputy. The Bus gets a personal letter from the Sheriff. Major difference.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Homosexuality: To Gay Or Not To Gay

Ozarks Offbeat welcomes those visitors from The Bus Plunge. If you can not act like responsible adults while you are here, you will be asked to leave.This debate has been going on for as long as people have been debating. Dr. James Dobson says "Freud taught that...every boy desires to kill his father and have sexual intercourse with his mother, and every girl has a desire to kill her mother and have sexual intercourse with her father."

The Bus doesn't know if Freud actually taught that or not, but it was posted on this website and The Bus doesn't think Dr. Dobson would lie about something like this. So why take chances? A parent can never act too soon in taking precautionary measures to ensure that their child will never become intoxicated with mommy's perfume and choose to devote his life to being the bottom half of Adam and Steve.

The Bus recently met with members of the Society to Cure Ailing Morality and asked the Good Doctors at Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward for a few tips on how to prevent their children from growing up to be "that way".

But what of those youts whose parents have failed to still the stirrings in their loins and seek comfort outside the sanctity of marriage? Perhaps the young man Stephen Colbert is interviewing in the following video has the solution:
The Busplunge thanks the Landover Baptist Church for their assistance in assembling this blog posting. The Landover Baptist Church Website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under eighteen.

Note To Scholars: The posting of this and other controversial topics that will be posted on this blog in the coming week are part of a research project aimed at determining how accurate blog rating web sites are. One of the hypothesis' to be explored is that blog posting that have "homosexuality" or "gay" in the title bar have more page hits and thus are rated higher than those that don't. For example, of the top ten most viewed pages on Conservapedia, eight of them mention "homosexual" in the title. The Bus finds that humorous and thinks other bus riders will also.

Monday, February 11, 2008

On Craigslist Springfield Now

From the Springfield Craigslist > casual encounters

Reply to:
Date: 2008-02-11, 10:48AM CST

Good looking, widowed minister, healthy, 30 years old, seeks female for fun times.


No, no, it's for real!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

God Contrite About "Collateral Damage" in Huckabee Tornado Smite Attempt

Posted by admin on 2008/2/6 12:31:48 (10597 reads)
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
Omnipresence, February 8, 2008

God, ruler of the universe and supreme arbiter of the weather, said today He was "deeply sorry" for the many casualties incurred during His attempt to smite Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee with a tornado during Super Tuesday primary election voting earlier this week.

Over 45 people were killed in the Southern states of Mississippi, Arkansas, Tennessee, and Kentucky when multiple tornadoes touched down with devastating results during the biggest day so far in the Republican and Democratic primary election season.

The supreme potentate characterized the casualties as "collateral damage" in His effort to rid the world of Mr. Huckabee through the use of the anomalous weather condition, which the Prime Mover described as "notoriously tricky to aim precisely."

"Mike Huckabee incurred My divine displeasure through his constant invocation of My name and My glory in the pursuit of a self-aggrandizing political agenda," God said, adding that His ways were actually not that mysterious at all.

"I am, frankly, sick unto death of microscopic human beings, whom I might remind you I created—like that!" God said, snapping His fingers, "glomming onto Me in the hope that some of My divinity might somehow rub off on them. Pretending they have some insight into My divine intentions, implying they speak in My name—get real! Of all the candidates in the current mortal circus, Huckabee is by far the worst. He was simply begging for a smiting."

God explained that, what with His mind being focused on so many other things such as maintaining the precise geometrical arrangements of exploding hydrogen atoms in a billion quintillion suns throughout the universe, He inadvertently let His attention wander during the exact moment of the intended smite.

"I remember moving the warm and cold fronts into position to create the conditions that would form the tornado," God said, "and blowing in some wind to send it towards that overblown hypocrite Huckabee, but then, I'm sorry to say, what with one thing and another, my attention wandered. I was interested to see how big a cloud the collision between two galaxies you know as NGC 7319 and NGC 7320C—I call them Spiky and Curly—would make. It was a pretty big cloud."

"But I'm really very sorry about the innocents who were smitten," God continued. "Just as in the case of a universe, once you get that tornado spinning, it tends to develop a mind of its own."

The link is here.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

When I Was A Young Man And Never Been Kissed,

I Got To Thinking It Over, And Boy Was I Pissed.

Speaking of comic books, here are some book covers that I found interesting:

Wonder Woman won the race by a bra size. Did the Flash let her win? And what is Green Lantern thinking? "I'd give my left arm to run behind her for a few laps."

Another great call, kid - don't use your Superbreath to extinguish the blaze. Oh no. Instead, form a bridge so you can look up girl's skirts.

It’s hard to tell what’s going on here. Well, not that hard – it’s war, obviously, and the Gyrenes - that’s pronounced “jeh-reh-nays” – have just blown up the Dreamsicle factory. One Gyrene has decided to take out some Krauts, and –

No, they’re not Krauts. According to the cover, the Gyrenes are feared by Japs, so these must be deep-cover Japs on a spy mission to . . . oh, never mind. It doesn’t matter. They’re Marines. The word gets around. Doctor Bobbs! Doctor Bobbs! Is he having a dalliance or maybe more with Night Nurse? Let's listen in, from 11:00 pm, clockwise: Hand me the stabbing tool, Nurse – I’ve screwed this one up, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let her die slow.
Dr. Bobbs hopes this will bring his date around, because this is starting to get hairy, man
Dr. Bobbs, hopped up on pharmaceutical-grade narcotics, races a car around a scale model of modern city
Dr. Bobbs relieves the patient of his winning lottery ticket, which was creating pressure on his, uh, lower lumbar-type area
Dr. Bobbs plots the day when he can arrange an accident for that bitch Gilda; she caught him once shooting up in his office and thinks she can hold it over his head and make him come up with the good stuff for the rest of eternity. Well, her time will come
Dr. Bobbs performs a fist-assisted star-ectomy
Dr. Bobbs confronts the sad fact that pap smears weren’t as sexy as they sounded in medical school
Dr. Bobbs swears this is the last time. He just needs a little boost, that’s all. After this he’s tapering off. Swear to GOD.
Linda Carter, Night Nurse, is surprised to see Dr. Bobbs...she told him she was a night nurse and it is daylight....oh the horror, the horror! Stay tune for more dubious moments in comic book history that will probably NOT make the graphic classroom but will make you laugh or cry. Or maybe even walk out of the room and throw a tomotoe or an egg at the side of a passing truck.

On Petblogging, over on busplunge, dirtsister left this comment: I think I saw that skinny little fox splattered on Linwood.2/08/2008 9:25 PM My grandson Trey and I drove down Linwood between Fort and Missouri but didn't see it. But the street sweepers went through the hood yesterday.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Matt Damon

First, watch this clip from Jimmy Kimmel's show:

Then watch this clip:

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Crack Found In Man's Buttocks

The link is here.

Thanks to Andy at for making us laugh!

I won't go hunting with you Jake, but I'll go chasing women

For Sniderman:I Won't Go Huntin' With You, Jake (But I'll Go Chasin' Women) Lyrics ID: 998

Oh, it's springtime in the mountains and I'm full of mountain dew
Can't even read my catalog like I used to do
I'm a-settin' in that little shed that's right back of the house
Here's comes old Jake with all the hounds; but he's gonna hear me shout:

Oh, I won't go huntin' with you, Jake, but I'll go chasin' women
So put them hounds back in the pens and quit your silly grinnin'
Well, the moon is bright, and I'm half tight; my life is just beginnin'
I won't go huntin' with you, Jake, but I'll go chasin' women.

Let's go down to the meetin' house and wait till they start home
Them gals that live on Possum Creek we'll always leave alone
We'll run them down the corn rows, them sassy little misses
We'll scare them pretty gals to death; we'll stop and throw 'em kisses.


Now, go wash your face and comb your hair, 'cause it's durn near time to start
But let me tell you 'fore you go, there's one that's got my heart
Don't chase that gal with the yaller hair and wears a dress of green
For that little gal belongs to me, I know she's past sixteen.


Now I was headed for the general store, when a silly thing I seen
They make 'em in the city; called a magazine
I turned to page thirty-two, and look at what I found
Them gals wear clothes that we ain't seen beneath them gingham gowns.


Lyrics by Stuart Hamblen.
Recorded by Jimmy Dean.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Saturday, February 2, 2008


*May God at the intercession of Saint Blaise preserve you from throat troubles and every other evil.St. Blase was a physician and the Bishop of Sebaste, Armenia. He once saved a child who was choking on a fish bone, which led to the blessing of throats on St. Blaise's feast day. He was beheaded in 316. Which leads to another question I asked Sr. Placida that got me in trouble: since St. Blaise is the patron saint of throats, why did he let his own throat get cut? Another konk and another trip to the principal's office. BTW, the principal's name was Sister Mary Alphonse.

One day an announcement came over the PA. All 8th grade boys who had used the lavoratory that afternoon were to immediately go to the principal's office. Well, this was much more exciting than learning about transitive and intransitive verbs, so all of us 8th grade boys got up and crowded into the principal's office. Sister Alphonse told us that someone had taken one of the bars of soap and had written a horrible, nasty word on the mirror in the boy's lavoratory. She wanted the culpit to confess to the deed and to go with her and wash the word off the mirror immediately or she would tell the pastor, Father Scheaffer and all of us would be in big trouble. One of us brave souls, I wish I could say it was me, but I don't remember, asked Sr. Alphonse what the word was. She said, and I swear this is true, "Fuuk".