Off Beat

Do you believe in miracles?

2011-06-13T12:19:00.001-07:00

Ira Aten 1862 - 1953

2011-01-26T12:29:00.000-08:00

Ira Aten (September 3, 1862 – August 5, 1953) was a Texas Ranger who was inducted into the Texas Rangers Hall of Fame.

Aten was born in Cairo, Illinois. His father Austin Aten was a Methodist circuit rider, and moved the family to Texas in 1876, settling near Round Rock, Texas. In 1878, while still a boy, Aten witnessed the death of outlaw Sam Bass. In March 1883, Aten joined the Texas Rangers, becoming a member of "Company D" serving under Captain L. P. Seiker. Aten was assigned to the counties bordering the Rio Grande River, and due to the rough nature of this area, he became involved in numerous dangerous encounters.

Aten was involved in the Fence Cutting War of the mid-1880's, during the period in which many ranchers were fencing off their property, doing away with open range. In July 1887, Aten was accompanied by future Ranger Hall of Fame member John Hughes in the pursuit of murderer Judd Roberts, with Hughes and Aten killing Roberts in a gunfight. It was Aten who convinced Hughes to join the Rangers. In 1888, late in the Fence Cutting War, Aten placed hidden dynamite charges on certain fence lines, so that when the wire was cut the dynamite would explode. The Adjutant General did not approve and ordered them removed. Although extreme, this greatly reduced the number of fences cut, even after the charges were removed. Aten was also involved in the later Jaybird-Woodpecker War, after which he was elected to the position of Fort Bend County, Texas Sheriff.

In 1890 Aten moved to Castro County, Texas and then in 1904 moved with his family to Imperial Valley (California), where he served as a member of the Imperial Valley District board in 1923, which helped push through legislation for the construction of Boulder Dam and the All-American Canal. In 1945, J. Marvin Hunter's Frontier Times magazine published Aten's memoirs. Aten died of pneumonia at his daughter's home in Burlingame, California and was buried in the Evergreen Cemetery in El Centro, California.

Long Channels Boehner: Not Only No, But HELL NO!

2010-09-14T21:20:00.001-07:00

Breaking News from KY3:

The Republican Party candidate for the 7th District congressional seat, Billy Long, has declined an invitation to debate on KY3. Long's Democratic Party opponent, Scott Eckersley, agreed to the debate, which would have been televised commercial free in prime time in early October.

KY3 has partnered with the Springfield News Leader, KSMU and Ozarks Public Television over the past decade to produce debates involving races for the U.S Senate and for the Missouri governor's office. We are still waiting to hear from the candidates in Missouri's U.S. Senate race about a possible debate.

While you're hear, listen to Dr. John Lilly, president of the Young Conservatives, tell how he heard that his group was going to sponsor a debate/forum (hint: he found out about the debate the same way Eckersley found out about the debate---from the press release).

Listen as Dr. Lilly tries to answer the question, "Who is calling the shots for this debate?"

Remember when Long was on KSGF earlier talking about making 'the deal'? I do. He said:

because I’ve been in sales, I’ve been in negotiations my whole life, OK, I’ve negotiated a million real estate deals, contracts, and, you have to have people that are dealing in good faith. When one is and one isn’t, you can’t get a deal put together...I’m not going to let Scott Eckersley cram things down my throat.

Long also said in this radio interview that Eckersley wanted the debates "it’s kinda like my way or the highway." He used the same phrase with me on Monday: "oh no, it’s that or nothing, my way or the highway, you know."

Now it seems like Long, though Royce Reding, is telling Eckersley that it's "my way or the highway." I guess a good saw cuts both ways?

I keep remembering what Billy told me on Tuesday, "...I’m not afraid of anybody. Anywhere, anytime., you know."

Remember this? I do. Back when Billy was still doing interviews he sat down with David Catanese last April.
DC: On a serious note, I mean, that,that is a major (unintelligible)

BL: This whole thing hasn't been serious?

DC: Well, but you diverted me earlier. But the president...

BL: How'd I do that? I didn't mean to...

DC: Well the president...

BL: I'm not that good. I'm new at this Dave, don't be saying I diverted you.

DC: The president, well you know what I was talking about earlier, the president's plan to bring home most of the troops...

BL: How would you like to debate me?

DC: I'm doing that right now.

BL: Yes, no you're not. How would you like to do it on the campaign. I hear it's gonna be fun.

DC: I want to I want to hear some of your auctionering voice.

BL: I think you get me up against some of these people that are prim and proper and their handlers have told them just what to say and then you get me out there and I think it's going to be very interesting.

A frequent bus rider just emailed me this message: KOLR 10 announced tonight that Long turned them down on their offer to debate....

OK, Now What?

2010-09-08T19:05:00.001-07:00

WARNING! Facebook now automatically scans your brain through your monitor. To BLOCK, go to your kitchen cabinet and remove the box of aluminum foil. Wrap foil around your head,stay calm & breathe through your left nostril.This is a serious problem & has been confirmed by my cousin's, girlfriend's, neighbor's son's, baby's mama ...and her pet chihuahua. Copy and paste as your status & SAVE YOUR FRIENDS - HURRY!

Business Tour News Release

2010-09-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

De-Constructing Billy

2010-08-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

Nick Reed (NR): Billy Long here with us. How are you, sir?

Billy Long (BL): Good morning Nick, how you doing?

NR: I am doing just fine, I see you made it past the lobby; we were talking about that uh….

BL: Actually took me 12 minutes cuz when I started walking in they had all these crossdressers lined up out there and they said, I said, you know, “excuse me, excuse me.” They said, “Git back in line, git back in line.”
Can I do a couple of housekeeping things real quick?

NR: Oh yeah, yeah, please do.

BL: I want to welcome into this world, oh what I do with it here, now I got find it real quick, sorry about

NR: Oh, not a problem.

BL: But uh, Graham Patrick was born at uh, two, uh, 3:20 yesterday afternoon

NR: Oh, an afternoon birth.

BL: Yeah, 3 pounds, 11 ounces, a few months early. 17 inches long—that’s a keeper though, I used to fish a lot of bass tournaments, that’s a keeper.

NR: Oh sure, you don’t want to throw that one back.

BL: But anyway, Sherry and Pat Lane’s grandson that, uh, a lot of people know Sherry and Pat and Uh they had been concerned about the early delivery so I just want to welcome Graham Patrick. Also send my condolences to the, uh, family of Dennis Whaley, I don’t know if you knew Dennis or not over at Evangel Public Relation at Evangel but he was in Rotary with me and uh passed away after heart surgery over the weekend and uh they’re having his service here in day or two, just wanted to pass that condolence on to everyone over at Evangel and of course all of Dennis’ family. I mean you look gentleman up in the dictionary and there was Dennis Whaley’s picture.

NR: Well, uh, yeah, our thoughts and prayers go out. Um, with uh you we had you here you know getting kind of the business of things and last I think it was Friday, uh, one of your opponents, Scott Eckersley, had um joined us and he talked about one of the thing everybody is talking about and that’s the debate situation and uh…

BL: What debates?

NR: (laughing) Yeah, yeah, I know, whatever you mean. Uh and you know it started and he uh, he had uh put forth I guess an invitation or challenge of uh, having the ten debates, one every week at the courthouse steps.

We had talked quite extensively about it here on the program, not with him but just sort of analyzing and so forth uh, uh that and then there was to be a meeting with you guys and it happened and then, uh, he uh, had, uh, he came on expressed that you know he sort of felt that uh, um, I say sort of because I don’t want to mischaracterize what he said, but uh my impression was that he felt that um, you guys weren’t really serious about doing the debate and they showed up and that you guys pretty well just said, um, we’re not interested in doing this and walked away. Clearly you got a different interpretation of the events, the motivations that you had, um so we wanted you to be able to talk to people about that and anything else encompassing future debates, you know, if they are going to happen, when and where, if that stuff’s still in the planning, where you are with that.

BL: OK. I guess we start there, it’d be a good place to, as is, as any. I think it was Winston Churchill said that you know a lie’ll get halfaway around the world before the truth can get its pants on and I think that in these situations there’s always your side, my side and the truth.

And so I wanted to stop by and you all yesterday morning listened to you and act like no one could find me and didn’t know where I was.

I’ve been working extremely hard, had appointments non-stop, and uh, I work too, along with campaigning. I’ve got a job and did a couple of auctions yesterday and on Saturday had three auctions so you know, so it’s not like I’m sitting around eating bon-bons and drinking lemonade on the sofa.

NR: sort of

BL: at home.

NR: As nice as that might be.

BL: Yeah, right. I, uh,, but, uh anyway, this is my interpretation of what happened: They’ve said we want to do these debates, challenged you to a series of ten courthouse debates, we said, and you check the record, you won’t see anywhere where we agreed to it.

We agreed to debate, we agreed to talk about the ramifica….what, what to debate, how to debate, where to set these debates up. So, in good faith, we met with ‘em.

And I brought my guy down from Kansas City, and they’re involved in other campaigns and they said this debate about debates is nothing new, it’s happening all over the country. I think their, were involved in four debates about the debates that day when they came down here to meet with, you know, the other side.

They set down and said here’s the debate schedule: Thursday, Tuesday, Thursday, Tuesday, Thursday, Tuesday at these ten different courthouses.

We said we’re not going to do that. We’re not going to go with high noon and you know I thought maybe they were trying to stroke me out, get a big old boy like me out there, you know, and say hey this guy you know he’ll stroke out in this, this heat in the summertime in August here but you know we’re not going to debate and they said no we’re here, we’ll talk about the debates, we’ll decide where to debate, when to debate, the format you know, whatever it is.

No, no, no that’s not, we’re going to do the ten or nothing, they said.

You’re serious.

Said, yep, yep, that’s it, you do so it’s you know, it’s kinda like

NR: yeah

BL: my way or the highway and as we left they said wh. Well you go away and you pick your format and you come back with a plan. This is our plan; we want to see your plan.

We left in good faith. My guy at the end did tell them, though, he said, he said now we are going to go ahead and leave now so you can get your news release out. I mean these people are serial news releasers.

Within an hour of leaving, we’re getting calls from all across the seventh district: Long won’t debate, Long won’t debate. He backed out on his thing. KOLR10 did a story the other night or KSFX, one of them and uh

NR: Well

BL: Well they said it appeared that Billy Long backed out after he said. We never said we would do ten courthouse debates. I’m anxious to debate.

I did seventeen and this is another thing we told the TV station that they didn’t air, we did seventeen debates. I debated more than anyone in this race. Every one of my opponents in the eight Republican primaries missed some of the debates, forums whatever you want to call them, I did seventeen, Scott Eckersley did three of those with me. We’ve done two televised debates, the guy acts like I’m afraid to debate him like we’ve never debated.

I mean it’s, I’m anxious to debate him. I want to get him on the record and see how closely, you know, what his views are and what he thinks about cap and trade, what he thinks about border security, I’m very anxious to debate and if he’ll act in good faith, there will be debates

NR: Well, I was gonna ask cause we got a couple of minutes left here, do you actually think because and uh you know, we’ve spoken with your camp and we speak with his camp and uh, Kevin Craig, he’s pretty much like hey just tell me when and where and I’ll do it, you know.

BL: Sure.

NR: But uh, you guys both have, you and Scott, busy schedules and everything and it just appears as if there is, regardless of, of, of, you know, who’s responsible for uh, a tremendous divide in terms of being able to find that, uh, that middle ground there. Uh, do you, do you think that’s it’s realistic, that it is going to happen?

BL: I’m starting to have my doubts about that.

NR: uh

BL: because I’ve been in sales, I’ve been in negotiations my whole life, OK, I’ve negotiated a million real estate deals, contracts, and, you have to have people that are dealing in good faith. When one is and one isn’t, you can’t get a deal put together. And I kinda sense that happening here because we leave the table in good faith saying OK, you know we’re not going to do your ten, you, you had. The reason I’m here today

NR: unintelligible

BL: I listened to your show yesterday and driving off you’re talking about Obama and Kim Jung Il

NR: uh huh

BL: You talk about an analogy, my friend, after what you play yesterday’s show back and first part about Eckersley and myself and if you play back Kim Jung Il, you said, you know, when Kim Jung Il says jump, Obama says how high. I’m sorry I’m not gonna do that.

You know I ran I mean I went through this same thing just like you all, where’s Waldo, where’s Billy Long, where’s he’s off the radar, he was all over the map. We’ve seen him on, you know, all during the campaign. This is exact, you know, go back to some of the, uh, news media reports on things in the Republican primary, this exact same thing happened, I mean I got out there, I was in front of the cameras, I came on this show two or three times fore you were here, did every, everything I could do and then I started going out and working grassroots, going to the courthouses, going and meeting people, passing out 7,000 of my cards and I don’t run to a microphone every time one’s offered and I don’t jump in front of a camera every time one’s offered and I’m not gonna try this thing in the media. I’m not gonna, you know, if they want to build their, I would like to get what we’re doing right now, I have become the story. We haven’t heard anything about where the other two stand on any issue other than those three debates that, uh, one of them was in, the other was in, I think one of those debates, and the Libertarian was in one, Mr. Craig. And so you know, they don’t want to talk about the issues; they want to talk about me.

One of my supporters was at the chiropractor’s the other day and he said, this guy said you know, on his back, working his back you know, gittin’ reading to pop his back and as he starts to pop it he said, “So is Billy gonna debate that guy or not?” Crack. And you know, my consciences, everywhere you go, that’s all people want to talk about

NR: Well, let me ask you

BR: is the debates.

NR: I know because I can hear it in my head, I know this is what the other side is gonna say, um, and when you say that, uh, they don’t want to talk about the issues, they just want to talk about the debate, I know immediately what their stance is going to be: No, we do want to talk about the issues, that’s why we’re trying to have the debates. What do you say to that thought process here?

BL: We are dealing in good faith, ok. We are dealing in good faith. I’m not gonna let ‘em, you know, I’m not gonna let Obama, Pelosi and Reid cram things down my throat, I’m not going to let Scott Eckersley cram things down my throat.

I mean we left that meeting and we’re doing what we said. We are negotiating right now with different venues, we’re gonna come back to them with a proposal and either you know, we’re gonna have the debates or we’re not.

So, that’s the long and short of it. That’s my answer.

I’ve got a, you know, Saturday I had a gun auction here in town which is a paying proposition for me, like I said, I have a job. I went at noon down to Branson, did an auction for the House Republican Caucus, I mean, you know, uh Nick, we just went through a fractious eight person Republican primary.

Ok. The 7th district I mean, I’ve been in every courthouse numerous times, and you know I don’t know if the other side had or not. But you go to those courthouses and they’re mostly all full of Republicans. And you know I’ve been working out to reach other supporters, to supporters of the other camps, other candidates.

I’ve been working night and day and it just and you know when I got up yesterday and I hear “Where’s Billy, he’s disappeared, he’s off the map,” I’m like.

Friday went down, Joanne Emerson, Congressman Emerson spoke in Branson at the Repub, Taney County Republican thing, I went down for that, then I went over to the Taney County Courthouse and visited with them, and you know, visited with supporters on the way back to town.

Saturday had the auction for, the gun auction here in town, the noon auction in Branson that brought in $121,000 for the House Republican Caucus, set an all time record, they usually sell 60,000.

Come up here that night, went out to the Darr Center, did the, uh, American Cancer Society Benefit Auction for the Cattle Baron’s Ball, I got home at 11 o’clock that night, so you know when I hear Oh well, he’s not doing anything my conscience, how hard can I work, you know.

NR: And, and so I’m, you’re feeling as though you are out there, it’s just not media coverage stuff that’s

BL: Yeah, I don’t, I don’t you know, to me it’s too early for all that. I don’t care about it, I’m not gonna, I mean, the newspaper called one night at, uh, I think five minutes til ten, I’d gone to bed about nine that night cause I’d had a long day the night before and I had to get up early.

Tomorrow I’m going to be on the radio in Joplin at seven o’clock. I’ve got an eight o’clock breakfast meeting, I go all day in Jasper and Newton counties, and uh, MacDonald County, and I end back up in Joplin for a dinner meeting tomorrow night, so you know, I’m be, it’s like

NR: I want to ask one other question and I’m running way late but I’m going to do it anyhow. Um, you know and like I said, I always try to think like and here’s what the other side uh, devil’s advocate, if you will and one of the things that they, you know, you’re very comfortable with, and you’ve laid out that, look, we’ve said to them that we’re gonna, you know, we’re gonna come up with a plan, a proposal with, uh, what ever media outlets that you want to work with and so forth, if I’m on the other side, then I, you know, I’m thinking to myself, well, he says the, he says he’s not going to let us cram down his throat demands for a debate but he’s saying that he’s the one who gonna, you know, essentially do the same, that they may perceive…

BL: They told us to do that, Nick.

NR: All right.

BL: They asked us to come.

NR: Ok

BL: our plan, that’s what we’re doning

NR: Gotcha

BL: We are meeting. I got people in from out of town that are meeting in good faith with radio stations, TV stations, venues

NR: So, they paint a

BL: We’re gonna

NR: They open that up for you to do then

BL: Yeah, I mean that’s, but when you leave in good faith an

NR: Sure

BL: they fire off a news release and within 60 minutes you’re getting phone calls form every out and outlet, why did you back? We didn’t back out, we never said we were going to do ten courthouse debates.

NR: Gotcha.

BL: I mean, you know, I mean fair is fair, you know. I ran into Mr. Eckersley the other night at the Farm Bureau. Ok. And he’s if, you know, he needs to be accurate, I guess, in his statements. And if he continues not to be accurate, I’m gonna, you know I can campaign all season long and not do a debate. That’s fine, ok.

NR: Do you think that might happen? Do you think that we may go without

BL: Sure it could happen, I mean the way it is going, and, and, and if you know what he says is not accurate, I’m only gonna, you know, go along so long without havin’ somebody misrepresent things and say things---give you one example: we’re at the Farm Bureau the other night and we’re doin’ our interviews for their endorsement.

NR: uh huh.

BL: Ok, they’re 30 minute. Jay Wasson 6:30 to 7, he goes in, does his. I pass him in the parking lot as I’m walking in, I’m 7-7:30. I don’t know who’s coming after me. The candidates are not supposed to be in together, they’re not supposed to hear each other. So, I do my 30 minutes. I walk out of the building, I’m standing out, we’re just on the back steps of the Darr Center, over here, talking to Anson Elliott, from MSU, you know, about agricultural things that are happening at MSU. One of my aides is with me, so there’s three of us standing there. The door behind me, bang, the door flies open, Scott Eckersley dives out at me, shakes, puts his hand out, big smile, hey, hey, and I turn around, shake hands say how are you , you know, and he said hey, we need to get those debates goin’, we need to get those debates goin’. And I said, I said, we just had them Scott, you’re late, they were in there, I just got done, you just missed the debate. You know, just being, just being jovial, friendly, upbeat like I am. He puts on his twitter page—ran into Billy Long at the Farm Bureau, asked him about the debates he said he was late and he had to leave and he took off! Come on! You know I mean, there’s only, you know I ran for 18 months in the Republican primary never running against my opponents. I told who I was, what I was, what I did, what I wanna do in Washington and that’s what I want this to be.

I mean he’s, he’s run down my campaign people publically, the other night he said that I, he said, I don’t mind saying that, what was it he called me? A uh, uh, oh, gimmick!

NR: Uh, Ok, I think it was KOLR10 maybe.

BL: Yeah, yeah, he said I’m not afraid to say it but my opponent is a gimmick. You know because, uh James Harris, and again, I’m busy that day, I had a 7:30 appointment at a business that morning with about four, five, six state reps, state rep candidates, business leaders, 7:30 in the morning, I’m going all day long.

Sometime during the day KOLR10 calls and wants a comment or wants a, one of my guys runs over there and gives them a few words and now, and now, it’s like I got, you know, a spokesperson speaking for Billy Long because he’s in hiding eating bon-bons and drinking lemonade on the sofa. Yeah.

NR: Well, I’ll tell you, what, listen, I appreciate our coming in and we went, uh, long, but uh, I think it was well worth it and I will say this: should you come out, uh, the victor, if anything, I suppose this will prepare you for life in Washington, D.C.

BL: I have

NR: and dealing with media and public, you know and all that stuff.

BL: That, I mean I’ve had this knock before. If you go back and look at the reports, they knocked me because they said I was afraid to debate. Before we ever debated that first of the 17, crazy. I mean people ask me before I go into debate, are you nervous, are you nervous about the KOLR10 debate, you know, that we did here a few weeks ago at the Expo Center.

NR: Yep.

BL: No, I roll in and I, you know, I shoot from the hip, I don’t go in pre-prepared, I was not nervous at any of ‘em. I don’t, these debates are not going to be earth shattering.

NR: We need a break.

BL: We did 17 of ‘em and noth—I don’t think any of them had a, one of them was down in Ozark, this city, the Chamber of Commerce put on, there were, there was and Mr. Eckersley was in that one, there was, and Mr. Davis was too, the other Democrat. But there was 8 or 9, I think there was ten of us there that night. There was 80 people in the crown, 8 votes for each candidate, most of those 80 people had a tee shirt on for one of the candidates.

NR: Yeah.

BL: So John Q. Public wasn’tthere, you know the media didn’t care about the primary, there was very few stories, now the media is all about, you know, I’ve been running a marathon for 18 months, working night and day, working hard, gettin’ out and meetin’ the people, we’re into sprint time and I think it’s like the tortoise and the hare.

I’m the energizer turtle, that’s the second cousin to the energizer bunny, I just keep movin’ and Ecksersley’s the hare. He’ll run ahead and set up a news conference and then I’ll catch up to him and he’ll run ahead and set up a news conference so we’ll see on November the second who’s got the best strategy.

NR: All right, Billy Long, appreciate your coming in, hopefully we’ll get a chance to talk with you soon, and uh, hope that you make your way out of the lobby, I know it was a little difficult getting in—

BL: Had to fight my way in here. Thank you, Buddy.

NR: Billy Long.

In The Summer of '69

2010-06-21T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ralph, Ralph.

2010-02-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

eHarmony Fail

2010-02-09T20:50:00.001-08:00

If She Hasn't, She Soon Will

2010-02-05T11:29:00.000-08:00

From The Other Side:

2010-01-22T11:47:00.000-08:00

This Is What Happens While You Are Outside Smoking A Cigarette And Drinking A Can Of Beer: See What You're Missing?

2010-01-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

Check out the guy in the background, no, not that guy, the other guy.

We Are All Voyeurs....NSFW

2009-12-27T15:33:00.001-08:00

It's a film thing

Comments Made During Digital Exams

2009-12-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has ever gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

Low Ball

2009-11-26T09:37:00.000-08:00

Don't Look Ethel, Don't Look!

Is She Coming Or Going?

2009-11-19T06:53:00.001-08:00

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Casual Sex

2009-11-12T09:42:00.000-08:00

Very casual sex.

Couldn't he have at least taken his hands out of his pockets?

NSFW.

Would You Like To Buy A Vowel?

2009-10-15T15:55:00.000-07:00

Pure Torture

2009-08-26T11:10:00.001-07:00

Oh John, when it first started, it was good, it was fun, then you started on the clothes...

What Boys Were Looking At

2009-07-06T08:04:00.001-07:00

smiling faces

2009-01-04T08:20:00.001-08:00

Click on the, ahem, shoes (yeah, that's it shoes!) to see why Dennis likes shopping at Wal-Mart

test

2008-11-06T06:21:00.001-08:00

test

Female Impersonator Gearing For Senate Seat?

2008-09-08T07:53:00.001-07:00

Talk about town is that a female impersonator, crossdresser, transgender type contemplating a run for the senate. Is Midge Potts gearing up to make a run for Kit Bond's senate seat in 2010?

Ernest Borgnine's Secret Of A Long Life

2008-08-15T15:33:00.001-07:00

Opinion Missouri Court Of Appeals Southern District

2008-06-10T20:41:00.000-07:00

Opinion
Missouri Court of Appeals Southern District

Case Style: Warren Davis Properties V, L.L.C., Plaintiff/Respondent, v. United Fire and Casualty Company, Defendant/Appellant.

Case Number: 22458

Handdown Date: 09/30/99

Appeal From: Circuit Court of Greene County, Hon. Don Bonacker

Counsel for Appellant: Robert S. Cockerham and Bart B. Zuckerman

Counsel for Respondent: John E. Price

Opinion Summary: None

Citation:

Opinion Author: Kenneth W. Shrum, Judge

Opinion Vote: AFFIRMED. Crow, P.J., and Parrish, J., concur.

Opinion:

This appeal involves a suit by an insured against an insurance company for breach of contract and vexatious refusal to pay. Following a six-day trial, a jury returned verdicts in favor of Defendant United Fire and Casualty Company. Thereon, Plaintiff Warren Davis Properties V, L.L.C., moved for a new trial, which the trial court granted. Defendant appeals from that order as well as from the trial court's denial of its motions for directed verdict at trial. We affirm.
FACTS
In August 1995, Warren Davis purchased the "old Heers Store," (FN1) the nearby "No-Nonsense building," and three parking lots, all in downtown Springfield, Missouri, from Golde's Department Stores, Inc., (Golde's) for a total purchase price of $415,000. On the same day Davis purchased these properties, he sold them to Warren Davis Properties V, L.L.C., (Plaintiff) for the same purchase price. Davis held a majority interest in and was the sole acting manager of Plaintiff.
Some time before consummating these transactions, Davis (on behalf of Plaintiff) consulted Ollis & Company, a local insurance agency, to obtain insurance on the Heers building. Through the local insurance agent, Plaintiff applied for $5.5 million coverage on the Heers building with United Fire and Casualty Company (Defendant). Plaintiff's insurance agent used a computer program to calculate the amount of coverage for which Plaintiff ultimately applied. Although Plaintiff's insurance agent intended to apply for replacement cost coverage, the application did not indicate whether Plaintiff was applying for replacement cost or actual cash value coverage. Davis's local agent forwarded the policy application to Defendant. Defendant responded by offering to extend the coverage amount requested but only on an actual cash value basis. Davis accepted the actual cash value coverage. On November 21, 1995, Plaintiff asked Defendant to increase Plaintiff's policy limits on the Heers building to $6.8 million. Defendant agreed to extend the additional coverage amount on an actual cash value basis.
On November 22, 1995, maintenance personnel locked the Heers building and departed for the Thanksgiving holiday. When maintenance workers returned to work on November 27, 1995, they discovered a sprinkler releasing water on the third floor. The water had run from the third floor down to the ground floor, saturating the floors, walls, and ceilings of all floors in between. As a result, Plaintiff filed a claim for the loss with Defendant.
On January 14, 1996, a security guard discovered another sprinkler releasing water in a bathroom on the second floor. The damage arising out of this incident was much less extensive than the first sprinkler incident. Much of the water ran down a drain in the bathroom floor. Even so, some of the water did run out of the bathroom, soaking carpets on the second floor and damaging ceiling tiles on the first floor ceiling. Soon thereafter, Plaintiff filed another claim for loss with Defendant. Defendant consolidated Plaintiff's claims for the two sprinkler incidents.
Under the insurance contract, Plaintiff was required to provide to Defendant a "proof of loss" containing an assessment of the damage caused by the sprinkler incidents. Plaintiff's first proof of loss contained a generalized statement of the damage but did not contain an estimate of the loss in actual cash value terms. Defendant requested a second proof of loss from Plaintiff and specifically requested that the second proof of loss contain a "statement of actual cash value and loss and damage, . . . and amount of loss claimed." Defendant extended the contractual deadline for Plaintiff's proof of loss in order to allow Plaintiff time to submit the second proof of loss.
For the second proof of loss, Plaintiff hired a team of five people, including an engineer, an architect, and an elevator/escalator specialist, to examine the building and estimate the costs to repair the damage. For purposes of their assessment, the team members estimated the costs to replace or repair the damaged property and did not estimate the actual cash value of the damaged property. Based on the team's evaluation and estimates, Plaintiff submitted its second proof of loss claiming actual cash value damages of $1,190,870.80.
Defendant conducted its own investigation of the sprinkler incidents, during which it requested various types of information and documents from both Plaintiff and Davis. Davis refused to provide some of the requested information. Ultimately, Defendant denied Plaintiff's claims in a letter dated May 17, 1996. The letter set out several reasons for the denial, only two of which are relevant to this appeal: (1) failure to satisfy the vacancy condition in the insurance contract, and (2) concealment or misrepresentation of material facts during Defendant's investigation in violation of the contract.
After the denial of its claims, Plaintiff sued Defendant, claiming, among other things, that Defendant breached the written insurance contract and that Defendant's denial amounted to a vexatious refusal to pay. Following trial, the jury returned verdicts in favor of Defendant. Thereon, Plaintiff moved for a new trial, which the trial court granted. Defendant appeals from that order and from the trial court's denial of its motions for directed verdict. We recount additional facts where relevant to our discussion.
DISCUSSION AND DECISION
Defendant's first point relied on states:
"THE TRIAL COURT ERRED IN DENYING [DEFENDANT'S] MOTION[S] TO AMEND ITS [ANSWER] TO CONFORM TO THE EVIDENCE BECAUSE THE ISSUES OF VACANCY AND MISREPRESENTATION AND CONCEALMENT WERE TRIED BY IMPLIED CONSENT IN THAT EVIDENCE RELATING EXCLUSIVELY TO BOTH ISSUES WAS PRESENTED THROUGHOUT THE TRIAL WITHOUT OBJECTION."

This point appears to raise a purely hypothetical issue in that the jury returned a verdict in favor of Defendant. Consequently, it seems Defendant is asking us to render an advisory opinion, which we will not do. See Workman v. Vader , 854 S.W.2d 560, 564[6] (Mo.App. 1993). However, Defendant argues in Point II that the trial court erred in granting Plaintiff's motion for new trial because, inter alia , Defendant established the affirmative defenses of vacancy and material misrepresentation as a matter of law. We, therefore, deem it appropriate to resolve Defendant's Point I, i.e., decide whether the alleged affirmative defenses were or should have been part of the case, before we address Point II.
Defendant's motions to amend arose out of the following circumstances. When trial commenced, Defendant's answer included the following under the heading "AFFIRMATIVE DEFENSES":
"[Plaintiff] is not entitled to any coverage or recovery under said contract of insurance because [Plaintiff] breached the conditions of the contract of insurance, including the following:
"' LOSS CONDITIONS
. . . .
"' 6. Vacancy
"'If the building where loss or damage occurs has been vacant for more than 60 consecutive days before the loss or damage, we will:
"' a. Not pay for any loss or damage caused by any of the following even if they are Covered Causes of Loss:
"' (1) Vandalism;
"' (2) Sprinkler leakage, unless you have protected the system against freezing;
"' (3) Building glass breakage;
"' (4) Water damage;
"' (5) Theft; or
"' (6) Attempted theft.
"'A building is vacant when it does not contain enough business personal property to conduct customary operations.
"'Buildings under construction are not considered vacant.
. . . .
"' COMMERCIAL PROPERTY CONDITIONS
"'A. CONCEALMENT, MISREPRESENTATION OR FRAUD
"'This Coverage Part is void in any case of fraud by you as it relates to this Coverage Part at any time. It is also void if you or any other insured, at any time, intentionally conceal or misrepresent a material fact concerning:
"' 1. This Coverage Part;
"' 2. The Covered Property;
"' 3. Your interest in the Covered Property; or
"' 4. A claim under this Coverage Part.'"

Defendant's answer did not allege any other facts regarding these contractual provisions or Plaintiff's compliance or noncompliance therewith.
Beginning on the second day of the six-day trial, the trial court sua sponte questioned whether Defendant had properly pleaded its affirmative defenses. In particular, the trial court voiced concern that Defendant's answer did not contain sufficient allegations of fact to demonstrate that Defendant was entitled to its affirmative defenses of vacancy and concealment or misrepresentation under Rule 55.08. (FN2) The trial court entertained arguments of both parties on the issue, and Defendant twice moved to amend its pleadings to conform to the evidence pursuant to Rule 55.33(b). The trial court denied both motions and refused to submit Defendant's proposed affirmative defense instructions to the jury. In this point, Defendant challenges as erroneous the trial court's denial of its motions to amend its answer.
A number of considerations attend our review of this point. Under Rule 55.33(b), (FN3) issues not raised in the pleadings may be tried by express or implied consent of the parties. Kackley v. Burtrum , 947 S.W.2d 461, 465 (Mo.App. 1997). It is "quite usual" for parties to amend their pleadings under Rule 55.33(b), even during trial. Midwest Materials Co. v. Village Dev. Co. , 806 S.W.2d 477, 488 (Mo.App. 1991). "A court should be liberal in permitting such amendments . . . ." St. Louis County v. Taggert , 809 S.W.2d 476, 478[5] (Mo.App. 1991). Nevertheless, the decision whether to allow a moving party to amend its pleadings in such circumstances is committed to the sound discretion of the trial court, and appellate courts will not disturb the trial court's decision "absent an obvious abuse of that discretion." Id .
Failure to make a timely and specific objection to evidence on the ground that it is beyond the scope of the parties' pleadings constitutes consent for determination of issues raised thereby. Kackley , 947 S.W.2d at 465[7]. Issues tried by implied consent shall be treated as though they were raised in the pleadings even if the pleadings have not been formally amended to conform to the evidence. Id . at 465[8]. However, "evidence received without objection will give rise to an amendment of the pleadings by implied consent only when it bears solely on the proposed new issue and is not relevant to some other issue already in the case." Id. at 465[9] n.3 (citing Lester v. Sayles , 850 S.W.2d 858, 868-869[13] (Mo.banc 1993)).
Defendant argues that two of its affirmative defenses--specifically, the vacancy condition and the concealment, misrepresentation, or fraud condition--were tried by implied consent because evidence supporting both defenses was presented at trial, Plaintiff did not object to this evidence, and the evidence was not relevant to any other issue at trial. See Rule 55.33(b); Lester , 850 S.W.2d at 868-869[13]; Leonards v. U-Jin Enterprises, Inc. , 811 S.W.2d 480, 485[8] (Mo.App. 1991). Plaintiff, on the other hand, argues that evidence of vacancy and concealment or misrepresentation was relevant to other issues at trial--in particular, its vexatious refusal claim, brought pursuant to section 375.420. ( FN4) As a result, Plaintiff argues it did not impliedly consent to try Defendant's purported affirmative defenses. We agree with Plaintiff.
Defendant's denial letter set out several bases for the denial of Plaintiff's claims. Among these reasons were the two mentioned above: (1) Plaintiff's failure to satisfy the vacancy condition in the contract, and (2) Plaintiff's concealment and/or misrepresentation of material facts. In order for Plaintiff to prove that Defendant's denial of the claims rose to the level of a vexatious refusal, Plaintiff had to show that Defendant "refused to pay [Plaintiff's] loss without reasonable cause or excuse." Section 375.420. Thus, it was logical--if not necessary--for Plaintiff to attempt to demonstrate that Defendant's stated bases for denial of the claims were not "reasonable cause or excuse." Because Defendant's stated reasons for denial included vacancy and concealment or misrepresentation, evidence regarding these reasons was relevant to the issue of whether Defendant's refusal to pay Plaintiff's claims was vexatious. As a result, this evidence was not relevant solely to Defendant's affirmative defenses and it cannot be said that Plaintiff impliedly consented to try them. Consequently, we hold the trial court did not abuse its discretion in denying Defendant's motions to amend its answer. Accordingly, Point I is denied. (FN5)
In its second point, Defendant contends, inter alia , that the trial court erred in (1) denying its motions for directed verdict at the close of Plaintiff's evidence and at the close of all the evidence, and (2) granting Plaintiff's motion for a new trial. Defendant's point avers three reasons the trial court's disposition of these motions was erroneous:
"A. Plaintiff failed to produce sufficient evidence it was damaged by the two sprinkler incidents in that plaintiff produced no evidence of the actual cash value or fair market value of the Heers building before and after the two sprinkler incidents;
"B. Defendant established its affirmative defense of vacancy as a matter of law . . .; and
"C. Defendant established its affirmative defense of material misrepresentation and concealment as a matter of law . . . ."

At the outset, we note that reasons "B" and "C" are nullified by our disposition of Point I. Thus, we need consider only reason "A." Moreover, we view Defendant's attack on the trial court's denial of its motions for directed verdict as moot in light of the fact that the jury returned a verdict for Defendant. The jury verdict gave Defendant exactly what it sought by its motions for directed verdict. This leaves for our review only Defendant's claim that the trial court erred in granting Plaintiff's motion for new trial.
In granting Plaintiff a new trial, the trial court stated, among other things, that it believed "the verdict was for the wrong party and against the greater weight of the evidence." Rule 78.02 allows the trial court to grant one new trial on the basis that the verdict is against the weight of the evidence. "The trial court's order granting a new trial is presumptively correct[] and will be disturbed only in the event of a manifest abuse of discretion." Carpenter v. Chrysler Corp. , 853 S.W.2d 346, 359[19] (Mo.App. 1993). "Such manifest abuse of discretion occurs when the benefitting party fails to make a submissible case." Gregg v. Erb , 834 S.W.2d 253, 254 (Mo.App. 1992). "In order to make a submissible case, it is incumbent on the plaintiff to present substantial evidence supporting each element of his claim." McGraw v. Andes , 978 S.W.2d 794, 802[7] (Mo.App. 1998). To determine whether Plaintiff made a submissible case, this court views the evidence and all reasonable inferences drawn therefrom in a light most favorable to the Plaintiff. Gregg , 834 S.W.2d at 254. In so doing, we take Plaintiff's evidence as true unless entirely unreasonable or contrary to physical facts, we reject all inferences unfavorable to Plaintiff, and we disregard Defendant's evidence except as it aids the Plaintiff's case. Id. Our supreme court has explained the policy behind this standard of review as follows:
"'[T]he policy is founded upon the fundamental inappropriateness of appellate courts' endeavoring to weigh evidence. We have only the cold transcript before us which reveals very few of the numerous factors to be considered in weighing evidence. . . . [W]eighing evidence is not simply a matter of quantitative analysis, but is primarily a qualitative analysis. While we might well determine which litigant produced the larger quantity of evidence, our position is far inferior to that of the trial court in analyzing the quality of the evidence. Consequently we must rely upon the trial court's proper exercise of the discretion entrusted to it in such matters.'"

Gentry v. Douglas , 744 S.W.2d 788, 789 (Mo.banc 1988) (quoting Clark v. Quality Dairy Co. , 400 S.W.2d 78, 82 (Mo.banc 1966)).
The only element of Plaintiff's case Defendant attacks is Plaintiff's showing of damages. Specifically, Defendant argues that "[P]laintiff did not produce any evidence that the two sprinkler incidents caused a diminution in the actual cash value of the Heers building." Both parties acknowledge that the phrase "actual cash value" is not defined in the insurance contract, but the parties agree that the phrase has been treated by case law as meaning "fair market value." Dewitt v. American Family Mut. Ins. Co. , 667 S.W.2d 700, 708 n.6 (Mo.banc 1984); Pannell v. Missouri Insurance Guaranty Ass'n , 595 S.W.2d 339, 355 (Mo.App. 1980). "Fair market value," in turn, "refers to the price the property would bring if sold by a willing seller to a willing buyer who is under no compulsion to buy." Sharaga v. Auto Owners Mut. Ins. Co. , 831 S.W.2d 248, 253[12] (Mo.App. 1992). Our review of the record, conducted under the standards set out above, leads us to the conclusion that Plaintiff did present substantial evidence and did, therefore, make a submissible case on the issue of whether it had sustained an actual cash value loss, i.e., a diminution in the fair market value of the Heers building, as a result of the sprinkler incidents.
Warren Davis was the first witness called by Plaintiff. Davis testified that despite the $415,000 price paid to purchase the five properties from Golde's, he believed the Heers building, alone, was actually worth around $2.6 million at the time of closing and that the building's value did not change from the time of closing until the first sprinkler incident. He also testified that when he offered the Heers building for sale after the sprinkler incidents, he asked for only $1.3 million because of the water damage. He based his valuations, in part at least, on his experience purchasing other buildings and real estate in downtown Springfield and his familiarity with the real estate market in the area.
Plaintiff points out that Missouri case law has recognized that a managing officer of a corporation is competent to testify as to the value of property held by the corporation he or she manages. St. Joseph Light & Power Co. v. Kaw Valley Tunneling, Inc. , 589 S.W.2d 260, 269[13] (Mo.banc 1979). This is true even though the managing officer is not an expert so long as "he is in fact familiar with the value of the realty." Southern Mo. Dist. Council of the Assemblies of God v. Hendricks , 807 S.W.2d 141, 148[13] (Mo.App. 1991). "The basis for the admission of such testimony is the corporate officer's unique familiarity with the value of the property." Id. This would seem to be particularly true where, as here, the corporate officer has knowledge of and experience with other properties in the same general area as the property about which he or she is testifying. We see no reason why this rule should not extend to a manager of a limited liability company, provided he or she "is in fact familiar with the value of the realty." Hendricks , 807 S.W.2d at 148[13]. We believe the evidence adequately demonstrates Davis's familiarity "with the value of the realty" here. Thus, we conclude that his testimony, alone, is substantial evidence that Plaintiff sustained an actual cash value loss. Accordingly, we hold that Plaintiff made a submissible case on the issue of damages.
This conclusion is bolstered by additional evidence presented by Plaintiff, particularly the testimony of its expert witnesses. Three experts testified as to the extent of the damage caused by the sprinkler incidents, while a fourth, Kirk Heyle, a commercial real estate broker and consultant, gave his opinion of the diminution in the fair market value as a result of the sprinkler incidents. Heyle testified he had been a real estate consultant and counselor in Springfield for twenty-four years and had been trained in methodologies of real estate appraisal. He described three accepted methods of real estate appraisal, i.e., the income approach, the cost approach, and the comparable sales approach, but explained that he utilized only the income approach in appraising the Heers building's value both before and after the sprinkler incidents.
In gauging the building's fair market value after the sprinkler incidents, Heyle utilized the damage assessments made by Plaintiff's other experts, including those hired to help prepare Plaintiff's second proof of loss. Heyle explained that he considered these damage estimates because he believed a potential buyer would take such costs of repair into account when making an offer on the property. See Sharaga , 831 S.W.2d at 253. Heyle took the total of the other expert's damage estimates, approximately $1.2 million, and amortized that amount "over a standard period of time" as an additional expense of operating the Heers building. This reduced the net income of the building during the amortization period. Finally, Heyle opined that, under the income method of appraisal, the sprinkler incidents caused a diminution in the fair market value of the Heers building, and, therefore, an actual cash value loss, of approximately $1.5 million.
Further, we note that even Defendant's appraisal expert, William Webb, testified that the sprinkler incidents caused at least some diminution in the fair market value of the Heers building. Webb opined that the Heers building's fair market value had been reduced $10,000 as a result of the sprinkler incidents. The fact that Webb's estimate of Plaintiff's loss was dramatically lower than that of Plaintiff's witnesses is inconsequential insofar as determining whether the evidence was sufficient to make a submissible case as to whether Plaintiff suffered an actual cash value loss.
Giving Plaintiff the benefit of all reasonable inferences, we conclude that this record contains substantial evidence that Plaintiff did sustain an actual cash value loss. Accordingly, we hold that Plaintiff did make a submissible case and that the trial court's decision to grant a new trial on weight of the evidence grounds was not a manifest abuse of discretion. Point II is denied. (FN6)
The trial court's grant of Plaintiff's motion for a new trial is affirmed.

Footnotes:

FN1. In this opinion, we refer to the "old Heers Store" as the Heers building.
FN2. All rule references are to Missouri Supreme Court Rules (1998) unless otherwise noted. The trial court specifically referred the parties to Rule 55.08 and ITT Commercial Finance Corp. v. Mid-America Marine Supply Corp. , 854 S.W.2d 371 (Mo.banc 1993).

FN3. Rule 55.33(b) provides:

"When issues not raised by the pleadings are tried by express or implied consent of the parties, they shall be treated in all respects as if they had been raised in the pleadings. Such amendment of the pleadings as may be necessary to cause them to conform to the evidence and to raise these issues may be made upon motion of any party at any time, even after judgment; but failure to so amend does not affect the result of the trial of these issues. If evidence is objected to at the trial on the ground that is is not within the issues made by the pleadings, the court may allow the pleadings to be amended and shall do so freely when the presentation of the merits of the action will be subserved thereby and the objecting party fails to satisfy the court that the admission of such evidence would cause prejudice in maintaining the action or defense upon the merits."
FN4. References to section 375.420 are to RSMo 1994. In pertinent part, section 375.420 provides:

"In any action against any insurance company to recover the amount of any loss under a policy of . . . insurance except automobile liability insurance, if it appears from the evidence that such company has refused to pay such loss without reasonable cause or excuse, the . . . jury may, in addition to the amount thereof and interest, allow the plaintiff damages [as specified in this provision] . . . and a reasonable attorney's fee . . . ."
FN5. I n its argument under Point I, Defendant also contends that its amended answer contained sufficient facts to show it was entitled to its affirmative defenses and that, nonetheless, the pleading was sufficient to place Plaintiff on notice that Defendant intended to raise these defenses. These arguments and allegations of error go beyond the single error alleged in Defendant's point relied on. The questions for decision on appeal are those stated in the points relied on; a question not there presented will be considered abandoned. Flud v. Flud , 926 S.W.2d 201, 206[6] (Mo.App. 1996); Greene County Concerned Citizens v. Board of Zoning Adjustment of Greene County , 873 S.W.2d 246, 255[3] (Mo.App. 1994). "Issues to which an appellant alludes only in the argument portion of the brief are not presented for review." Flud , 926 S.W.2d at 206[7]; Greene County Concerned Citizens , 873 S.W.2d at 255[4]. Accordingly, we do not consider these contentions.
FN6. Defendant ' s argument under Point II is replete with attacks on Plaintiff ' s evidence, including characterizations of certain of Plaintiff's evidence as "self[-]serving," "self-contradictory," "irrelevant, immaterial, unsupported, and speculative." Defendant concentrates its attacks on the competence of Plaintiff's expert witnesses' testimony. There are two primary problems with Defendant's assault on Plaintiff's evidence. First, Defendant's attacks on the evidence ignore the standards of review applicable to this point as set forth in the early part of our discussion of Point II. Under those standards, we have no choice but to disregard much of the evidence Defendant argues in support of its position on appeal. Second, such attacks on the evidence call on us to judge the credibility of witnesses and weigh the evidence. This we cannot do. See Gentry , 744 S.W.2d at 789.

You Know What They Say About Guys With Big Feet....

2008-05-07T11:03:00.001-07:00

...they wear big shoes.

Automated Phone Answering System

2008-04-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by sending this to at least one unstable person to show you care.

My job is now done.

Fairy Tales Can Come True

2008-04-09T21:30:00.001-07:00

A Tale Of Two Cows

2008-04-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

Remember that old adage? The grass is always greener on the other side? It's alright to strive for more in life. Keep in mind, however, that sometimes you may get stuck and need a helping hand.
Sometimes, a good friend may come along and offer to help you out.

But also remember, not everybody who says they are your friend, is your friend.

Gas Bill

2008-04-09T10:53:00.001-07:00

Bad Hair Day

2008-04-08T07:51:00.001-07:00

Collateral Damage

2008-03-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

Forty years ago today, something happened near My Lai, Vietnam that sent shock waves all across America. I know.

Lucky Jimmy's girl posing at the river

2008-03-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

Eat your heart out Elliot Spitzer! Lucky Jimmy's gets the milk for free! And he ain't losing his job over it either! That's why they call him 'Lucky Jimmy'!

Fifty Songs To Listen To While Reading The Debate Going On At "My Corner Of The Sky" And "Fat Jack's Rants"

2008-03-09T16:14:00.000-07:00

Fat Jack, of Fat Jack's Rants has a post here and he also has a post here.

MH over at Corner of the Sky, has a post with some interesting thoughts here. In this post MH links to this post and to this post.

50. Elton John and George Michael “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”
49. Dead or Alive “You Spin Me (Like A Record)”
48. Pet Shop Boys “New York City Boy”
47. Diana Ross Chain Reaction
46. Deborah Harry "I Want That Man"
45. Cher "Strong Enough"
44. RuPaul "Supermodel (You Better Work)”
43. KD Lang "Constrant Craving"
42. Culture Club "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?"
41. Chaka Kham "I'm Every Woman"40. Wham "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"
39. Paul Lekakis "Boom, Boom. (Let's Go Back To My Room)"
38. Kym Mazelle "Young Hearts Run Free”
37. George Michael "Outside"
36. Donna Summer "I Feel Love"
35. Dannii Minogue "This Is It"
34. Belinda Carlisle Summer Rain33. Peter Allen "I Go To Rio"
32. Sylvester "You Make Me Feel Mighty Real"
31. Heather Small "Proud"
30. CeCe Peniston "Finally"
29. Madonna "Express Yourself"
28. Cyndi Lauper "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
27. Charlene "I've Never Been To Me"
26. Tim Curry "Sweet Transvestite"
25. Barry Manilow "Copacabana"
24. Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer "No More Tears"
23. Whitney Houston "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)"
22. Sister Sledge "We Are Family"
21. Queen "I Want To Break Free"
20. Dolly Parton "9 to 5"
19. Coming Out Crew "Free, Gay and Happy"
18. Village People "In The Navy"
17. Frankie Goes To Hollywood "Relax"
16. Village People "Macho Man"
15. Judy Garland "Over The Rainbow"
14. Bronski Beat "Smalltown Boy"13. Diana Ross "I'm Coming Out"
12. Cher "Believe"
11. Gloria Gaynor "I Am What I Am"
10. Alicia Bridges "I Love The Nightlife"
9. Madonna "Vogue"
8. Olivia Netwon-John "Xanadu"
7. Kylie Minogue "Better The Devil You Know"
6. Pet Shop Boys "Go West"
5. Kylie Minogue "Your Disco Needs You"
4. The Weathergirls "It's Raining Men"
3. Gloria Gaynor "I Will Survive"
2. Village People "YMCA"
1. ABBA "dancing Queen"

I "Fingered" The Doc: Continued From Page 33

2008-03-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

The events depicted above were originally chronicled in STAG, June, 1954. STAG is published monthly by OFFICIAL MAGAZINE CORPORATION, Sid Kalish, Advertising Director, 270 Park Avenue, New York, 17, New York.

Jimmy Gets His Evens.

2008-02-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

First, remember this post?

Then you know why this one seems familiar.

The Scientific American Tells Us Why We Kiss, Youtube Shows Us How We Kiss.

2008-02-25T14:46:00.000-08:00

The Scientific American tells us why we kiss, Youtube shows us how we kiss:

Make-A-Wish Bankrupted By Sick Child

2008-02-25T12:52:00.001-08:00

What The Hell? Ben Cartwright?

2008-02-21T20:05:00.001-08:00

1972 Porsche 911

2008-02-21T15:37:00.001-08:00

Tyler Bend, Buffalo River Highway 65, Arkansas
Eureka Springs, Arkansas
From Car and Driver Magazine:

Arkansas 7
Highway 7 is one of the best-kept secrets in the country. Once anointed one of America's ten most beautiful roads by National Geographic, it is tucked into the folds of the Ozark National Forest and the Ouachita Mountains. Its best stretches link Harrison up north, which calls itself the "Crossroads of the Ozarks," and Arkadelphia, south of the newlywed and spa haven of Hot Springs. Along the way the road twists through miles of hardwood forests, across pristine streams such as the Buffalo National River, near state parks and wildflower meadows, by dramatic rock formations and high bluffs, over mountain tops and down into valleys still unspoiled. An especially splendid tract is the Ozark Highlands to Rotary Ann Overlook, with an awesome view of forests and mountains. Around every bend lies adventure-everything from hiking, camping, trout fishing, canoeing and caving to simply dawdling over fresh-baked pie and hot coffee at the Booger Hollow (population 7, counting the coon dog) Trading Post & Chuck Wagon Cafe. You might even get to observe a cutthroat game of checkers. The bonus beauties of 7 are its shortages of both traffic (particularly in spring and fall) and interruption (30-mile legs without settlements) and a length of 200 miles. This is a road mixing elemental and advanced challenges in well-balanced proportions. Avoid it like the plague in icy weather, but make a beeline for it any other time. Guaranteed to knock your socks off and turn you into a seriously addicted repeat offender.

The Major Difference Between Life Of Jason And The Bus Plunge

2008-02-20T19:53:00.000-08:00

Constant Bus riders are aware that there is a local blog that chronicles the life of a guy named Jason (that's a picture of Jason before he learned the correct way to ask a girl for a date to the blogaronis.) Bus riders also know that Life Of Jason and the Bus Plunge often blog on different topics. In fact, there are many differences between the LOJ and the Bus. For instance, the Bus has a bus, LOJ doesn't have a bus. LOJ lives in a 2-story house, the Bus lives in a brick house. LOJ drinks hot chocolate, the Bus drinks coffee.

Another example of the differences between the Bus and LOJ: Last week during the running of the Daytona 500, NASCAR's premier stockcar race, the Bus was able to watch the race free of unwanted interruptions and cheer on Ryan Newman and Kurt Busch, the Penske drivers who finished first and second. LOJ's distress at watching his favorite drivers Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson have a bad day at the race was compounded by telephone calls from the Missouri Deputy Sheriff's Association. LOJ blogged about the interuptions: you can read the post and all the comments here.

Money quote from LOJ: "And what in the world is the Missouri Deputy Sheriff’s Association doing calling me anyway?" Notice who called LOJ, the Missouri DEPUTY Sheriff's Association, the DEPUTIES called LOJ.

And that brings us to the major difference between the Busplunge and the LOJ. The Bus doesn't get his Daytona 500 interrupted by a phone call from a deputy. No siree bob, the Sheriff himself took the time to write the Bus a personal letter, personally hand delivered to the Bus's front door by a uniformed representative of the United States Government. Yes Sir, LOJ, the Sheriff knows how important the Bus is. The Sheriff knows the Bus is #7 this week.

LOJ gets a phone call from a deputy. The Bus gets a personal letter from the Sheriff. Major difference.

Florida Sex Challenge Poster For Those Who Don't Want To Move To Tampa

2008-02-19T09:11:00.001-08:00

Homosexuality: To Gay Or Not To Gay

2008-02-12T18:26:00.000-08:00

Ozarks Offbeat welcomes those visitors from The Bus Plunge. If you can not act like responsible adults while you are here, you will be asked to leave.This debate has been going on for as long as people have been debating. Dr. James Dobson says "Freud taught that...every boy desires to kill his father and have sexual intercourse with his mother, and every girl has a desire to kill her mother and have sexual intercourse with her father."

The Bus doesn't know if Freud actually taught that or not, but it was posted on this website and The Bus doesn't think Dr. Dobson would lie about something like this. So why take chances? A parent can never act too soon in taking precautionary measures to ensure that their child will never become intoxicated with mommy's perfume and choose to devote his life to being the bottom half of Adam and Steve.

The Bus recently met with members of the Society to Cure Ailing Morality and asked the Good Doctors at Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward for a few tips on how to prevent their children from growing up to be "that way".

But what of those youts whose parents have failed to still the stirrings in their loins and seek comfort outside the sanctity of marriage? Perhaps the young man Stephen Colbert is interviewing in the following video has the solution:
The Busplunge thanks the Landover Baptist Church for their assistance in assembling this blog posting. The Landover Baptist Church Website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under eighteen.

Note To Scholars: The posting of this and other controversial topics that will be posted on this blog in the coming week are part of a research project aimed at determining how accurate blog rating web sites are. One of the hypothesis' to be explored is that blog posting that have "homosexuality" or "gay" in the title bar have more page hits and thus are rated higher than those that don't. For example, of the top ten most viewed pages on Conservapedia, eight of them mention "homosexual" in the title. The Bus finds that humorous and thinks other bus riders will also.

On Craigslist Springfield Now

2008-02-11T16:16:00.000-08:00

From the Springfield Craigslist > casual encounters

PASTOR LOOKING FOR NSA SEX - m4w - 30
Reply to: pers-570380234@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-11, 10:48AM CST

Good looking, widowed minister, healthy, 30 years old, seeks female for fun times.

Location: SPRINGFIELD, MISSOURI

No, no, it's for real!

God Contrite About "Collateral Damage" in Huckabee Tornado Smite Attempt

2008-02-10T10:12:00.001-08:00

Posted by admin on 2008/2/6 12:31:48 (10597 reads)
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
Omnipresence, February 8, 2008

God, ruler of the universe and supreme arbiter of the weather, said today He was "deeply sorry" for the many casualties incurred during His attempt to smite Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee with a tornado during Super Tuesday primary election voting earlier this week.

Over 45 people were killed in the Southern states of Mississippi, Arkansas, Tennessee, and Kentucky when multiple tornadoes touched down with devastating results during the biggest day so far in the Republican and Democratic primary election season.

The supreme potentate characterized the casualties as "collateral damage" in His effort to rid the world of Mr. Huckabee through the use of the anomalous weather condition, which the Prime Mover described as "notoriously tricky to aim precisely."

"Mike Huckabee incurred My divine displeasure through his constant invocation of My name and My glory in the pursuit of a self-aggrandizing political agenda," God said, adding that His ways were actually not that mysterious at all.

"I am, frankly, sick unto death of microscopic human beings, whom I might remind you I created—like that!" God said, snapping His fingers, "glomming onto Me in the hope that some of My divinity might somehow rub off on them. Pretending they have some insight into My divine intentions, implying they speak in My name—get real! Of all the candidates in the current mortal circus, Huckabee is by far the worst. He was simply begging for a smiting."

God explained that, what with His mind being focused on so many other things such as maintaining the precise geometrical arrangements of exploding hydrogen atoms in a billion quintillion suns throughout the universe, He inadvertently let His attention wander during the exact moment of the intended smite.

"I remember moving the warm and cold fronts into position to create the conditions that would form the tornado," God said, "and blowing in some wind to send it towards that overblown hypocrite Huckabee, but then, I'm sorry to say, what with one thing and another, my attention wandered. I was interested to see how big a cloud the collision between two galaxies you know as NGC 7319 and NGC 7320C—I call them Spiky and Curly—would make. It was a pretty big cloud."

"But I'm really very sorry about the innocents who were smitten," God continued. "Just as in the case of a universe, once you get that tornado spinning, it tends to develop a mind of its own."

The link is here.

When I Was A Young Man And Never Been Kissed,

2008-02-09T16:35:00.000-08:00

I Got To Thinking It Over, And Boy Was I Pissed.

Speaking of comic books, here are some book covers that I found interesting:

Wonder Woman won the race by a bra size. Did the Flash let her win? And what is Green Lantern thinking? "I'd give my left arm to run behind her for a few laps."

Another great call, kid - don't use your Superbreath to extinguish the blaze. Oh no. Instead, form a bridge so you can look up girl's skirts.

It’s hard to tell what’s going on here. Well, not that hard – it’s war, obviously, and the Gyrenes - that’s pronounced “jeh-reh-nays” – have just blown up the Dreamsicle factory. One Gyrene has decided to take out some Krauts, and –

No, they’re not Krauts. According to the cover, the Gyrenes are feared by Japs, so these must be deep-cover Japs on a spy mission to . . . oh, never mind. It doesn’t matter. They’re Marines. The word gets around. Doctor Bobbs! Doctor Bobbs! Is he having a dalliance or maybe more with Night Nurse? Let's listen in, from 11:00 pm, clockwise: Hand me the stabbing tool, Nurse – I’ve screwed this one up, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let her die slow.
Dr. Bobbs hopes this will bring his date around, because this is starting to get hairy, man
Dr. Bobbs, hopped up on pharmaceutical-grade narcotics, races a car around a scale model of modern city
Dr. Bobbs relieves the patient of his winning lottery ticket, which was creating pressure on his, uh, lower lumbar-type area
Dr. Bobbs plots the day when he can arrange an accident for that bitch Gilda; she caught him once shooting up in his office and thinks she can hold it over his head and make him come up with the good stuff for the rest of eternity. Well, her time will come
Dr. Bobbs performs a fist-assisted star-ectomy
Dr. Bobbs confronts the sad fact that pap smears weren’t as sexy as they sounded in medical school
Dr. Bobbs swears this is the last time. He just needs a little boost, that’s all. After this he’s tapering off. Swear to GOD.
Linda Carter, Night Nurse, is surprised to see Dr. Bobbs...she told him she was a night nurse and it is daylight....oh the horror, the horror! Stay tune for more dubious moments in comic book history that will probably NOT make the graphic classroom but will make you laugh or cry. Or maybe even walk out of the room and throw a tomotoe or an egg at the side of a passing truck.

On Petblogging, over on busplunge, dirtsister left this comment: I think I saw that skinny little fox splattered on Linwood.2/08/2008 9:25 PM My grandson Trey and I drove down Linwood between Fort and Missouri but didn't see it. But the street sweepers went through the hood yesterday.

Create A New Password

2008-02-08T19:02:00.000-08:00

Our Pets and Our New Best Friends

2008-02-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

A Face Only A Mother Could Love (NSFW)

2008-02-08T07:11:00.001-08:00

Does he live in Pierce City?

Matt Damon

2008-02-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

First, watch this clip from Jimmy Kimmel's show:

Then watch this clip:

Crack Found In Man's Buttocks

2008-02-06T20:37:00.000-08:00

The link is here.

Thanks to Andy at Rhetorica.net for making us laugh!

I won't go hunting with you Jake, but I'll go chasing women

2008-02-06T17:27:00.001-08:00

For Sniderman:I Won't Go Huntin' With You, Jake (But I'll Go Chasin' Women) Lyrics ID: 998

Oh, it's springtime in the mountains and I'm full of mountain dew
Can't even read my catalog like I used to do
I'm a-settin' in that little shed that's right back of the house
Here's comes old Jake with all the hounds; but he's gonna hear me shout:

CHORUS:
Oh, I won't go huntin' with you, Jake, but I'll go chasin' women
So put them hounds back in the pens and quit your silly grinnin'
Well, the moon is bright, and I'm half tight; my life is just beginnin'
I won't go huntin' with you, Jake, but I'll go chasin' women.

Let's go down to the meetin' house and wait till they start home
Them gals that live on Possum Creek we'll always leave alone
We'll run them down the corn rows, them sassy little misses
We'll scare them pretty gals to death; we'll stop and throw 'em kisses.

CHORUS:

Now, go wash your face and comb your hair, 'cause it's durn near time to start
But let me tell you 'fore you go, there's one that's got my heart
Don't chase that gal with the yaller hair and wears a dress of green
For that little gal belongs to me, I know she's past sixteen.

CHORUS:

Now I was headed for the general store, when a silly thing I seen
They make 'em in the city; called a magazine
I turned to page thirty-two, and look at what I found
Them gals wear clothes that we ain't seen beneath them gingham gowns.

CHORUS:

Lyrics by Stuart Hamblen.
Recorded by Jimmy Dean.

2008-02-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

Translation

2008-02-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

*May God at the intercession of Saint Blaise preserve you from throat troubles and every other evil.St. Blase was a physician and the Bishop of Sebaste, Armenia. He once saved a child who was choking on a fish bone, which led to the blessing of throats on St. Blaise's feast day. He was beheaded in 316. Which leads to another question I asked Sr. Placida that got me in trouble: since St. Blaise is the patron saint of throats, why did he let his own throat get cut? Another konk and another trip to the principal's office. BTW, the principal's name was Sister Mary Alphonse.

One day an announcement came over the PA. All 8th grade boys who had used the lavoratory that afternoon were to immediately go to the principal's office. Well, this was much more exciting than learning about transitive and intransitive verbs, so all of us 8th grade boys got up and crowded into the principal's office. Sister Alphonse told us that someone had taken one of the bars of soap and had written a horrible, nasty word on the mirror in the boy's lavoratory. She wanted the culpit to confess to the deed and to go with her and wash the word off the mirror immediately or she would tell the pastor, Father Scheaffer and all of us would be in big trouble. One of us brave souls, I wish I could say it was me, but I don't remember, asked Sr. Alphonse what the word was. She said, and I swear this is true, "Fuuk".

It Smelled Like....Victory. Some Day This War's Gonna To End

2008-01-30T19:19:00.000-08:00

I watched a snake crawl on the edge of a straight razor.
Turn up the volume and make it full screen.

Hey, I Got An Idea! Let's Play Scrabble!

2008-01-29T19:32:00.000-08:00

Skateboarding

2008-01-29T15:51:00.001-08:00

One Cab's Family

2008-01-28T07:51:00.001-08:00

Susie, The Little Blue Coupe

2008-01-28T07:47:00.001-08:00

Red-Headed Boy With Hats

2008-01-23T19:25:00.000-08:00

Last fall, I did a post that I called Men With Hats. I followed it up a little later with another post that I called More Men With Hats".
I proudly present, for your viewing pleasure, "Red-Headed Boy With Hats":

R S. No. 15, Mrs. Sippy's First Grade Class Photo, 1951

2008-01-20T16:37:00.003-08:00

This is a photo of my first grade class. No, you won't find me in it, I was sick the day the photo was taken. Gosh, this was a long time ago. I wonder what my friends are doing now? Click on the picture to make it bigger.Back row, left to right: Allen Bino, Rufus Leaking, Jack Kass, Ray Dios, Otto Mobile, Mrs. Sippy, Mike Stand, Stan Dupp, Holden D'Mayo, Tom Morrow
Middle row, left to right: Tim Burr, Russell Leeves, Renee Sance, Peg Legg, Marsha Mellow, Lisa Karr, Reba Dirtchee, Rick Kleiner, Neil Down
Front row, left to right: Olive Yew, Paige Turner, Rhonda Karner, Polly Ester, Sheila Tackya; Shirley Knott, Minnie VanDriver

Mountain Dew

2008-01-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

Mountain Dew commercial from the 1960s.

Mountain Dew lost commercial

Clancy Brothers and Robbie O'Connell

Skateboarding Cowboys, 1985 Mountain Dew commercial

Lonzo and Oscar with Cousin Luther and Smokey, 1957

Mel Torme Mountain Dew Commercial

Brother Oswald

Mountain Dew Bohemian Rhapsody

Aslak Gjennestad

Go Getters Go Ozark, 1966

2008-01-19T15:55:00.001-08:00

Ask Sister Mary Martha

2008-01-19T09:27:00.001-08:00

For years, one of my favorite religious websites has been The Landover Baptist Church site. Well, add another one to the list:Ask Sister Mary Martha

Yellow And Black Plunger Judges Relaxing

2008-01-18T11:32:00.000-08:00

Yellow and Black Plunger Judges take a relaxing break from viewing nominations for the 2007 Yellow and Black Plunger Awards by sitting in the hot tub, enjoying adult beverages and listening to Glue Girl.

And He Has A Nipple Ring!

2008-01-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

On Line Handwriting Analysis

2008-01-17T16:35:00.000-08:00

This is an interesting link. It is by the TUL pen company. You write the sentence "I truly need a new pen." and answer several questions about the slant, shape, size, etc of the letters and well, try it yourself. The link is here.

Cow Cow Boogie, 1943

2008-01-17T08:11:00.001-08:00

My Grandfather's Very Old Book Of Photos

2008-01-14T19:23:00.000-08:00

This is a very old book. Look at it and handle it with care. Be careful that you don't rip the pages when you turn them. This is a very old book.

Just What Is The Pentagon Up To?

2008-01-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

"Professional Celebrity Rock Music Band, group not to exceed seven people for tour of FOB's [forward operating bases] in Kuwait and Afghanistan for February 4-13 2008. The band should be an active rock band, with a music genre consisting of Southern Rock, Pop Rock, Post-Grunge and Hard Rock. At least one member of the band should be recognizable as a professional celebrity. Protective military equipment, such as kevlar, body armour, eye and ear protection will be provided when the group is travelling on military rotary or fixed wing aircraft." The Link is Here.

Then there is this scary article about Drugging Soldiers.

Big Brother IS Watching Us

2008-01-14T09:59:00.000-08:00

lookie here.

Stuff That Makes Us Happy

2008-01-13T18:05:00.001-08:00

Vacations with the family
A Nice Cold Beverage
Brittney and Justin
Lake Cabins
Camping at the Lake
Camping with friends at the Lake

Hillbilly Jam

2008-01-11T20:25:00.001-08:00

Orange Blossom Special

2008-01-11T19:58:00.000-08:00

The SputniksJohnny CashWillie NelsonBillie Vaugn and His OrchestraMikayla RoachA Delightful Lady From Yellville, Arkansas

Blow Lunch

2008-01-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

Survey Says.....

2008-01-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

How Dumb Are We???

65% of all Americans believe that frozen pizza will never be any good and there's nothing science can do about it.

45% of Americans think rain doesn't feel as good in real life as it seems to in the movies.

16% of Perot voters believe "if dolphins were really smart, they could get out of those nets."

70% of American women have never had an emotionally satisfying relationship with a Republican.

62% of Americans believe that a trip to a major theme park is more culturally enriching than a trip to the Reagan Library.

39% of Americans believe that guns are not "as dangerous as they say."

15% of Americans wish Dennis Hopper would go back on drugs. 29% of Americans believe that Elvis was right to shoot TV sets.

29% of Perot voters say, "The candidate I vote for usually loses."

11% of Americans that suffer from indigestion would rather retake the SAT than watch a Jesse Helms filibuster.

88% of Bush voters "have no idea what rappers are talking about."

14% of Americans surveyed agree that Puerto Rico should not be the 51st state because "that extra star would make the flag look bad."

35% of Americans believe Richard Nixon went to heaven.

59% believe he went "somewhere else."

34% of those who voted in the last election believe "Forrest Gump" was a documentary.

60% of Americans say that, if they could push a button that would make Larry King disappear, they would "keep pushing it and not stop."

37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.

36% of college graduates think that there are virtually no female serial killers because women "just aren't aggressive enough."

12% of those polled believe the success of actor David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch, is due at least in part, to "dealings with the devil."

17% of college graduates would punch themselves really hard in the face for $50.

28% of those who said they were "normal" Americans, would like to be King of Great Britain, but not if it meant marrying the Queen.

44% of Republicans said they would watch "Nightline" if it had a band and an opening comedy monologue.

If Jesus came back and saw that Pat Robertson was his spokesperson, 46% of Americans think that we'd all be in big trouble.

26% of those in possession of a firearm believe that the second amendment protects their right to buy explosive fertilizer.

81% of those who have seen two or more "Police Academy" movies believe that O.J. is innocent.

29% of those surveyed think that the guy who first put the "Great" in front of "Britain" probably meant it as a joke.

16% of all Americans believe that the world is out to get them.
Of those, 46% are gun owners.

Of those who said they've had a good cry in the past six months, 42% were Democrats, 27% were Republicans and 54% said they believe in UFO's.

In the past year 36% of Americans have chanted "We're Number One!"
Only 22% of Bush voters have chanted "We're Number One!"

More Americans say they would rather spend time in a jacuzzi with Dan Rather than Tom Brokaw. Of those who would tub with Dan, 10% have no health insurance.

12.5% of Americans that voted for Clinton believe that they will someday be told "just what Victoria's Secret is." 98% of Bush voters believe they will never know.

65% of American women believe there is "a lot of difference" between a campaign contribution and a bribe. Only 35% of men see a difference.

28% of Americans think that our army's high-tech military equipment is too expensive to risk in combat.

TV Nation Polls

Database Of Every Vehicle In Every Movie Ever Made

2008-01-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

Internet Movie Cars Database. The link is here.

Did Doctor Phil Step Over The Line With Brittney Spears? Is He An Oprah Fabrication? Does She Need Help?

2008-01-08T08:27:00.000-08:00

HELL YES!

Don't Look, Ethel!

2008-01-07T14:02:00.000-08:00

Reminds me of the Henny Youngman story about the guy who goes to the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, it hurts everytime I do this." The doctor says, "Well, don't do that anymore."
DON'T LOOK, ETHEL!

The Category is: Great Girl Bands of the 1980s

2008-01-02T19:46:00.000-08:00

Paris and Kevin: What Does She See In Him?

2008-01-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

This is a picture taken of Brittney Spear's ex husband Kevin Federine and Paris Hilton at a party recently. I believe the party was in Miami. Why do Brittney and Paris even bother to hang around with Kevin?

I Didn't Know He Was A Republican?

2008-01-01T01:29:00.002-08:00

If Somehow You Could Pack Up Your Sorrows, Give Them All To Me, You Would Lose Them, I'd Know How To Use Them, Give Them All To Me

2008-01-01T00:51:00.000-08:00

Suzanne....Happy New Year 2008

2008-01-01T00:12:00.001-08:00

My New Best Friend

2007-12-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

Do you really want to go here?

Why I Like The Dollar Store

2007-12-30T14:57:00.001-08:00

10 Reasons Gay Marriage Is Wrong

2007-12-29T21:43:00.001-08:00

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Ozark Court Motel NSFW

2007-12-29T18:27:00.000-08:00

Chas Ray Krider

Agnes

2007-12-29T12:31:00.000-08:00

NASCAR Crew Chief Reveals Winning Strategy: Go Fast

2007-12-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

I Ain't No Redneck

2007-12-22T09:29:00.001-08:00

What they really think of us Barbara and I went to Indianapolis for a Toby Keith concert, where we partied with something like 25,000 happy rednecks, most of them young, most of them wearing boots and cowboy hats (and cheering Keith's great song "I Should Have Been a Cowboy"). It's a great show, and he's a wonderful performer, not least because of his deeply moving patriotic songs like "American Soldier," "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue," and " The Taliban," etc.

It's great to get out of the Washington culture of narcissism and spend some time with the rednecks, a.k.a. real Americans. And it's simply great, as the encores end, and a downpour of red, white and blue confetti covers the crowd, to see Toby say "don't ever apologize for your patriotism," and then lift the middle finger of his right hand to the skies and say, "F*** 'Em!"

And then there's this take.

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson: Every Body Is Turning On!

2007-12-21T20:34:00.000-08:00

More Proof We Are Descended From Monkeys

2007-12-21T18:43:00.000-08:00

The Bonobo, , also called Dwarf Chimpanzee, spend all of their lives in sexual activities. They use it instead of arguing or fighting, but also as a way of greeting one another and thanking for food.

Besides humans, they are the only animals that have oral sex, kiss with their tongues and masturbate in a group, everyone with everyone, regardless of sex.

What I Want For Christmas, Part II

2007-12-20T17:25:00.000-08:00

Something from here?

Things you should have learned in school.

Buy Uranus

from the dollar menu: two double cheeseburgers, hold the cheese; dollar fries; one of those drinks that are on special for 89 cents.

What I Want For Christmas

2007-12-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

What I want for Christmas.

The Flattop test.

Eat Dirt!

Hey, I Think Mom Is Santa, Look What I Found.....

2007-12-16T20:16:00.001-08:00

My New Best Friends

2007-12-16T20:04:00.000-08:00

The difference between a friend and a best friend:
A friend will bail you out
A best friend will say, "Dang! let's do that again!"

Watch this: My New Best Friends.

Another Christmas Story

2007-12-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

Why I Ain't Afraid Of The Dark....

2007-12-16T16:30:00.001-08:00

You Can Take the Girl Out Of The Trailer Park......

2007-12-15T12:22:00.001-08:00

But you can't always take the trailer park out of the girl....
I asked her if she lived in Pierce City, she said she lived in Seligman.